Saturday, December 26, 2015

An Open Letter to my Friends

An open letter to friends is not always an easy letter to write. The ramblings of a wandering mind can be a dangerous thing; and yet the best thing for the person with the wandering mind is to let them go.

I want to first start out by apologizing for not always being intentional in my friendships. I have a habit of talking - a lot. My mouth at times gets ahead of me in many ways.  It also doesn't allow the ears to work so well when it comes time to listening to my friends speak.  So it seems there is a lot of give and not much take; but in reality there is such a deep-seated open heart within me, that all it wants to do is listen to you.
Please tell me about the crappy day you have had, and how you screamed at the kids 10 times for the same stupid thing! Guess what? I have too!  Please tell me how you are struggling to find something that fills your heart with a sense of purpose, because I do too. Please tell me how you feel like the world is against you at this moment, because I have felt it before too.  I don't ask you to share just because it would validate my self in some way, I ask you to share because sharing helps.  I don't always know what to say or when the right timing would be to say something I might want to share; but I always want to listen.

I want to apologize for not always having my shit together. Life happens, and honestly, when you struggle with depression - which by the way, yeah I still struggle; life can happen when you don't want it to. Or it will happen when you already felt overwhelmed and now is not the time to lose my cool over the stupidest, smallest thing. Yet I did; again. So friend, I am sorry if I have lost it with you. I am sorry if you have thought that I had my life together, in a nice, neat, orderly box with a pretty little bow on it. I do not.

Please know that if I say my day is fine, or good - there is probably something hidden that I may or may not want to share. But go back up to the beginning where my mouth runs more than my ears. Sometimes, I just say it is good because for once I want to be truly there for YOU and not think of me. I don't want to mention my bad day, or my fears, or my struggle with whatever it is that day. Because for once I truly want to be there for YOU.  So, sometimes I say things are good just so that I can hear you. :)

Also, friends please know that I do indeed need each and every one of you in my life.  Friends come and go in our lives for many reasons, and the friends I have surrounding me right now seem to be the best friends I have had in YEARS.  These friends, have filled my life with smiles, with jokes, with love, with spiritual love, with purpose, with meaning.  Thank you to each and every one of you.  Please know that you all mean so much to me.  I look forward to spending so much more time growing our friendships in the year 2016.

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