Sunday, April 24, 2016


There are days, when people say things, like how they admire me, or a quality that I have. They are amazed how I seem like I have things all put together in life with a neat little bow on it; packaged ever so nicely. They wonder how I am able to raise 5 kids all with different needs, and stages of their life (guys - one turns 16 next week and one is still in diapers)! Some people have shared little tidbits about myself that they love, and all of that is great. It is so nice to know that I am so loved and admired in so many ways, but let me tell you something.
I am not put together in a nice package. I have flaws (a LOT of them), I am weak, I am scared, I make mistakes, I am not perfect. I have yelled at my kids, I have forgotten about meetings, I have missed permission slips, phone calls - everything. I have days where I can't get control, and I spiral into a giant ball of anxiety that is waiting to explode (ask my kids how Saturday went).   I am saying all of this because it is only fair that you all know that I love you, each and every one of you. Every single one of us is a hot mess, and that is okay. It is perfectly alright to not wear a bow. It is actually better for yourself to not be wrapped into a great package.
Okay, so my train of thought has changed a bit as I was interrupted with bed time routine's that take forever in our house!! But, here goes....
I feel like I am still trying to figure out my place in this great thing we call life. If someone were to ask me what I enjoy to do, or what hobbies I have; I can list off what I used to do, or enjoy - pre kids. But, who am I now? I have said before that I used to write poetry and love that, and I feel that slight pull on the heart when I think about trying it again; but then the negative thoughts of not being good enough (for who, I don't know) or not having the time, or even the ideas to write about start to fill my head and I just give up. As I close out the month of April, a month that begins to fill me up as our days begin to get longer, the soil calls me to dig into it, seedlings sprout, and all is new again. I am going to use that energy to jump into May as a month where I focus on finding me again. So, I may just take that time to write again, or fill myself up with music, walks in the nature again. If you ever want to join or have some great places for writing or nature walks, let me know. :)

Here are some things we did this month :)
Spring Break at the Dells

These two collided like no other. But Orion got right back up and ran

Pizza making at Congress Elementary Pre-K

Celebrated Jon's bday this month

This dude is 13 now too!! 

Field Trip to Meijer Gardens for the Butterflies

Look I found the crazy blue one! :) 

Yeah, this girl decided to break her elbow... Lovely