Thursday, January 14, 2016

It was one more yes

So, today I did something that I generally talk about doing but never really do. First off, I have never claimed to be a speaker; but I can talk someone's ear off (especially if it is something I am passionate about).  But I have talked before about how I write to share my story because you never know who it may help. There are too many things in life that we hide from/behind or mask in general for many reasons. Today, I had no mask, no veil, and a no holds bar type of thing going.

I shared my journey through life with my mom's group at church. Now, again I am not a speaker, I don't feel myself a qualified person who could even benefit one person. But if me sharing can help one person then why not?  But I had no idea what to share, as there are quite a few things in my life that are worth sharing and no longer 'hiding' from friends; but at the same time for what purpose? Well, again does there need to be a purpose? So I shared my life about sexual abuse by my father, the journey Willow has taken us on, and the PHF, and the hardest part was speaking about my depression. It was HARD. There are days I still want to believe I don't suffer, there are days I want to think that it is all a bad dream that is not really a part of my story. There are days I feel like so many other people have it worse than me, who am I to say I suffer from depression?!  I mean really, just raise your kids Donna and get over it!! My go to phrase lately is just 'suck it up buttercup!' But I feel also, that it is because we are told to suck it up, that even those out there who may not suffer as much as others, (like myself) are just not worth the effort of asking for help.  That is why I share my stories. I want people to know that it doesn't matter how big or small someone's troubles are; we should always be there for our friends.

I have worked hard this last summer at building my friendships and growing my community - people whom I know I can call on in a pinch.  You know raising families shouldn't be done alone. Mom's should be embraced and supported, and I truly believe that more now after having Orion than I ever did before. My pregnancy with Orion was hard, I shared a few thoughts I had about that pregnancy during group today. I don't regret sharing the hard feelings and thoughts I had, I regret that I ever had them. I wish so many days that it could have been different. But it isn't, and that is my story and that is okay. The only thing I can do now is to embrace our today's and make them turn out great :)

So, today I shared my story which was another yes I have said in my life recently to something that is hard, and outside my norm. The other one is that I will be leading a small group at our church going through the book, For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. It was a big life changer/attitude changer for me and I hope it helps others as much as it did me. :)