Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Closing of Summer

It has been almost 2 months since my last post.  There has been both a lot going on and a lot of nothing exciting taking place.  I have been running words through my head all that time as well, trying hard to decide what to share, what is too much, what do you want or need to hear and how honest should I be with my battle of depression.  I have always felt that sharing my struggles in life could potentially help someone else, and that it was important for others to not feel alone as I have in various aspects of my life.  But battling PPD seems to be one thing I am not yet comfortable sharing as openly as I am that I am a survivor of sexual abuse and rape.  I would MUCH rather talk about the latter any day then my depression.  Yet, here I am, once again attempting my luck at a post, much as I have done many other times before today.

It is still hard to put into words how I feel, or have been feeling.  I think I am finally letting go of my ideal of what or how I am supposed to behave as a stay at home mom, but now I am working towards finding myself.  I have gone to the library a few times and checked out some books on oils as I struggle to get my doTerra business up and going.  I also have gotten books on educational things I have been thinking about researching further for Evan and Willow's sake.  So all that to say I am reading again! It feels nice to have a book in my hand.
Aside from that though, I still struggle with my feelings toward Orion. I feel I have not bonded with him as I had with the others by this age. I struggle to feel anything more than a machine most days when it comes to him.  If he is crying and there are other people around I will ask the boys to help him out before I can even get in there myself.  It is horrible to admit, but between him and Willow I NEVER have a moment to myself and it is hard!  I truly don't know how so many mothers out there can do this with more than one little one at home.

In other, lighter news, we are getting ready for school to start back up!  With our DC trip with the PHF behind us, we can now focus on school :)   ah yes, school - 4 kids, 4 different schools, ranging from high school to head start! LOL  What a fun year this will be ;)
Speaking of DC, the trip went well.  I had met with representatives from Justin Amash's office and Debbie Stabinow's office.  Please look for some news in regard to those meetings as well - I may be asking for some help with follow up letters to their offices.  I need to do a bit of research based on what was discussed and then will be asking for the masses to ask them to join the adult and pediatric caucus.
With September fast approaching, it also means National Hydrocephalus Awareness Month, so there will many exciting things happening there too.

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