Recently my days have been long. I mean, really, LONG. Which can mean a few things; it could be it was a slow day, a day racing from here to there with no breaks, an exhausting due to lack of sleep type of day. Yet none of those really explain the feeling. Instead, it is a feeling that while I know there are natural rhythms to the day, a schedule so to speak, it has been hard to do anything. It has been a long day of trying to get myself to do the things that need to get done.
I am starting to get into the busy season of all kinds of planning events. Which is funny, because I went from not doing much, (I mean I still don't work outside the home), to doing all kinds of things to fill up my calendar; but it is within filling up my calendar that I had lost myself before.
Yup, there it is for you all....
Some people have a shopping addiction when things get rough, some go to drugs, or alcohol... I find a way to fill up my calendar. Why?? I am not exactly sure yet, there is something there I am sure; but I am not a doctor or therapist of any kind, and so would have no idea! LOL
I went from wearing not too many hats, to I am not even sure I can list off all that I am doing now. Some of it fills my heart with such joy, some of it I wonder why I have to go do this or that again. As we are beginning to shed some of our winter blahs as small glimpses of spring hope arise, I am realizing that I need to now figure out what my year will hold. Not in an all seeing, I have to plan each month, figure out what I am going to do with my life sort of way. Instead in a way that will allow me to say no to the things that are not filling my heart with joy, and yes to the wonderful things that will fill my heart and soul with happiness and joy. There are still things I find that I need to work on almost daily, sometimes only weekly. But it is within those things I find that I either let them control my day in a slow, long, bad way - or I can look at them as a challenge to make myself stronger in the end. It is hard on the LONG days to look at it as something good. Such as Orion trying all of my buttons more than once in a day. It is teaching me patience if I don't go off on my two year old; but some days, I just want to scream!!
So, today I choose to look at my calendar, and find focus again. Find the happy, heart filling with joy things that I love to do and make those my priorities. :)
I wish all of you who may also struggle with finding that place in your life, strength each day to say no to negative, and yes to the positive.