Monday, October 19, 2015

Staying afloat

I don't think at this time, there is anyone who could have said it better than The Byrds, there truly is a season for everything! Currently the kids are in school and the year is going well. Jonathan is once again enjoying school, Evan is of course stressing himself out with his school of choice. Amanda is in the last year of elementary school (where has the time gone?!), Willow is just starting out in preschool.  Amazing, how these kids have gotten to where they are.  

I felt as if I was barely making it during September, trying to get back into the school routine with 4 kids in 4 different schools.  Plus throw in PTCC stuff to deal with, raising a 2 year old, birthdays to deal with (you know kids want a party), church stuff, doTerra, mom's group (which is my sanity saver - don't you dare knock that)! I was hoping October would be different. 

Instead the month started with a death of a former Palmer parent who taught me about PTCC, and handed the reigns down to me and another mom.  It was not expected at all - which makes it more shocking.  I hadn't spoken to her in a while, but it was still there. A hit to the heart.  Then a week later, a dear friend passed away. Losing her battle to cancer.  I am at peace knowing she is whole again, happy, healthy, and smiling down on all of us - her family, friends, Palmer staff.  But that hit hard. No matter how hard you try to prepare yourself for the loss of a friend/coworker, family member, it is never enough.  You just can't be prepared for that.  

So here it is mid-October, my house says Halloween is coming soon, and the weather is getting colder. Yet, I still find myself just trying to stay afloat through it all.  There is so much that needs to be done, and my days never seem long enough to even put a dent in all that is there. I just tell myself, well it will sit until tomorrow.  Yeah, it will; but it eventually needs to be done! 

I have been asked a few times, how am I doing? You know with the depression and all.  Honestly, I feel okay. I think that season of things has passed, but the anxiety creeps up before I know it.  There are a lot of things that can bring it on.  and I never know what will be the biggest trigger that will set me off on that day.  But, I am coping well. I am no longer on meds (I took myself off of them), I am using oils, community, my Bible, my minutes.  You see when I said above that I don't always get something finished and it will sit until tomorrow. It is because I am taking a few minutes out of my 'stuff to do pile' to just sit and be me.  Like now, while writing this blog.  This calms me, makes me happy and gives me a chance to write. Something I used to love to do. 

I used to write poetry back in the day (LOL), but stopped when I didn't feel the pain anymore. That is all my poetry was, a release from the pain that I was dealing with. In reality, I am sure it wasn't great, I would probably make a billion revisions if I were to pull it out and read it again (yes, I still have my poetry from 15+ years ago), but it sits as a reminder of something I used to do and love. So while my writing has changed a bit (or a lot I hope), I still love to do it, and this is how I deal now. :)   

Hopefully as the month comes to an end, and the craziness of the holidays approaches things will actually slow down a little and not seem so overwhelming.  One can only hope right?! 
How I spent my weekend: PHF table at the Special Families Fun Fest

Daddy did my hair :) 

Just eating lunch with my baby 

birthday fun

Her birthday cake

Just trying on Orion's vest... See mom it fits!!! 

pink frosting 

This counts as a tree house right?! 

"Do no conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2   Just a nice reminder sitting above my computer. 

No comments: