I felt as if I was barely making it during September, trying to get back into the school routine with 4 kids in 4 different schools. Plus throw in PTCC stuff to deal with, raising a 2 year old, birthdays to deal with (you know kids want a party), church stuff, doTerra, mom's group (which is my sanity saver - don't you dare knock that)! I was hoping October would be different.
Instead the month started with a death of a former Palmer parent who taught me about PTCC, and handed the reigns down to me and another mom. It was not expected at all - which makes it more shocking. I hadn't spoken to her in a while, but it was still there. A hit to the heart. Then a week later, a dear friend passed away. Losing her battle to cancer. I am at peace knowing she is whole again, happy, healthy, and smiling down on all of us - her family, friends, Palmer staff. But that hit hard. No matter how hard you try to prepare yourself for the loss of a friend/coworker, family member, it is never enough. You just can't be prepared for that.
So here it is mid-October, my house says Halloween is coming soon, and the weather is getting colder. Yet, I still find myself just trying to stay afloat through it all. There is so much that needs to be done, and my days never seem long enough to even put a dent in all that is there. I just tell myself, well it will sit until tomorrow. Yeah, it will; but it eventually needs to be done!
I have been asked a few times, how am I doing? You know with the depression and all. Honestly, I feel okay. I think that season of things has passed, but the anxiety creeps up before I know it. There are a lot of things that can bring it on. and I never know what will be the biggest trigger that will set me off on that day. But, I am coping well. I am no longer on meds (I took myself off of them), I am using oils, community, my Bible, my minutes. You see when I said above that I don't always get something finished and it will sit until tomorrow. It is because I am taking a few minutes out of my 'stuff to do pile' to just sit and be me. Like now, while writing this blog. This calms me, makes me happy and gives me a chance to write. Something I used to love to do.
I used to write poetry back in the day (LOL), but stopped when I didn't feel the pain anymore. That is all my poetry was, a release from the pain that I was dealing with. In reality, I am sure it wasn't great, I would probably make a billion revisions if I were to pull it out and read it again (yes, I still have my poetry from 15+ years ago), but it sits as a reminder of something I used to do and love. So while my writing has changed a bit (or a lot I hope), I still love to do it, and this is how I deal now. :)
Hopefully as the month comes to an end, and the craziness of the holidays approaches things will actually slow down a little and not seem so overwhelming. One can only hope right?!
|How I spent my weekend: PHF table at the Special Families Fun Fest|
|Daddy did my hair :)|
|Just eating lunch with my baby|
|Her birthday cake|
|Just trying on Orion's vest... See mom it fits!!!|
|This counts as a tree house right?!|