The right frame of mind

So I have had thoughts of writing a blog post here on my personal blog for about 2 weeks now.  It is hard for me to do that though. I feel I have to be in the right frame of mind. I have to go through my mind and write, then re-write the post many times over, so by the time I sit in front of my screen and am ready to share with you all my thoughts - they are gone. I am drained, emotionally, physically and some days spiritually.
I don't know why I do this to myself. I really want this blog to be an open dialogue between myself and whoever reads it!  That is why I share the personal, the scary, the dark, hidden thoughts. I feel that if more people shared it, then there would be less stigma around depression, miscarriage, lack of perfection (after all who is really perfect?!), comparison (is the grass really greener over there or are they hiding their pile of dirt too?)
Alas, I am a mom to five wonderful, delightful, pains in my butt! They range in age from 15 to 2 years old. We have one with ADHD, migraines, concussions (still recovering from the last one), and teenage brain mush. One on the Autism spectrum, a drama queen lost in the middle, a child with hydrocephalus, and our youngest who is speech delayed and possible sensory issues. To say I walk the line of special needs mom would be putting it mildly, but I wouldn't change a single day of it!
I did not always think like this though, it took some time. It took some soul searching, some God searching, some figuring out who I am in my own life (after all, mom and wife are nice and all - but I am my own person!)
I have found that I truly do love to write. I like to write about the gritty parts of life though. I used to be able to come up with stories for my two older boys back when they were under 5. I would call them Sir Jonathan and Sir Evan stories. They were awesome for that season of our life; as they would bring their day to a review and an end. Basically the story would be about their day and if there was a problem that happened, it would happen to Sir Jonathan or Sir Evan as well, only it would play out different. So they were meant to teach the boys how to cope with things going on in their little world. I tried to do that with Amanda, but Princess Amanda stories weren't the same as Sir Jonathan or Sir Evan.  She didn't get into them as much as the boys. So by Willow, they just never existed. Orion hasn't heard one either. I think if I were to try to come up with it though now, it would not work anyway.
You see, parenting tricks are found as needed and seem to be tailored for the child in need. It isn't something that happens through searching, or through comparing yourself to your friend or neighbor. Sure they have tricks and tips that they will share with you, and you will be excited to try them, or you may find that you know right away it won't work for your family. That is OKAY! Your tip will find its way into your home when it is really needed.

So, as you can see by this post - I am all over the place, and I am sorry for that. That is what happens when a mother of five wonderful little gifts tries to sit down to write a post. It is always interrupted. :)

 But here are some pictures of randomness from our life - enjoy!